The holidays can be a stressful time no matter how far you travel, what holiday you celebrate, or where you are at on your To Do List. For many, the holidays can also be fraught with worry about how to coexist with family while removed from the comfort zone of your everyday life. The below three tips are suggestions of how you can prepare, manage, and regroup your emotions when visiting family during the holidays.
Set boundaries for yourself & Recall the Boundaries of others
It can be difficult to avoid reverting to a younger version of yourself when you visit family members. You may be a team lead for a staff of 30, have your own children, or run your own business– however, to your family of origin, you may still be that silly 13-year-old who was obsessed with, oh, I don’t know, the Spice Girls and Power Rangers. The bottomline is that in order for our family to truly understand us, we have to let them know what is okay and what is not okay for us to cultivate connection. In order to cultivate this connection you might want to do the following:
· Understand your own limits: Take stock of what your expectations are for your time with family. Are you one who enjoys a lot of quality time? Do you fare better with one-on-one time as opposed to large groups? Do you have other life priorities that will make a longer trip more difficult this year? It is always important to talk with yourself or your partner prior to a family visit. Check in with yourself about what your bandwidth for this particular trip is and let that be a guiding post of how much energy you can commit.
· Recall the limits of family: Check in with family members as to what their expectations are for this holiday season/visit. What might their hopes be for family togetherness? What have they traditionally wanted for their time with family? How are they doing personally or professionally?
· Honoring your limits and theirs: Knowing what you and your family’s limits are is one thing, but honoring these limits as boundaries is different, if not difficult. Reminding yourself that the holidays can be a hectic time and that stress can be higher than normal, can sometimes act as a reminder that sometimes we and our family members may need a little grace. Giving each other the benefit of the doubt –honoring limits can go a long way to making sure that everyone is getting a little piece of the pie.
Practice grounding techniques
For many of us, family can present a mixed bag of positive, negative, weird, or for some, traumatic memories. Grounding techniques are exercises that essentially help you focus on the here and now. These exercises can involve one or a combination of the five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. When you engage in these techniques, you take time to immediately connect with you and “ground” yourself in the present moment. This can be especially helpful if you find your mind drifting to the past or future, disassociate, or feel your stress level elevate. Below are some examples of grounding techniques:
· Take a visual inventory (sight): Count 10 things you can see. Pick one of the objects and describe it with detail in your mind or in a note. For instance, you might see a picture of a Tuscany landscape and think: tall green and brown grass, three houses, one in the foreground, two in the background. Rolling hills, tall green trees, blue sky with a faint sunrise.
· Eat a mint (taste): It might be a good idea to carry several mints around in your pocket or purse. Mindfully eat the mint. What does it taste like? What does it feel like? As it melts, does it break in half or does it merely shrink in size? How does your mouth taste after its gone?
· Seek something hot or cold (touch): Hold an ice cube in your hand and let it melt. Take a hot or cold shower. Have a hot cup of tea. These temperature changes allow you to focus on the sensation rather than the thoughts that may be worrying you.
When in Doubt, Tune them out!
Let’s face it- for many people, the holidays feel like an inevitable duty that you partake in for 40% joy of connection and 60% “how do these people actually not know me!?” Whatever the case, if you find yourself over(or under)whelmed by the company you keep during the holidays, remember its always important to have a backup “escape!”
· Stream-work makes the Dream work: Did you know you can temporarily download some shows and movies through most streaming platforms. No need to compete with everyone clogging the Wi-Fi. With this feature, you’ll be set to binge watch to your heart’s content!
· Partner in Whine: Friends don’t let friends suffer alone. Make a pact with friends who might also find the holidays with family difficult. Set up a group chat and text odd, ridiculous, or funny things your family says or does. For example,
MOM: “Come on y’all, we’re late! Let’s go!”
ALSO MOM: Starts painting her nails…
· Human’s Best Friend: Annnnd the ultimate way to tune out other humans… rekindle your relationship with your family pet. Become their cuddle buddy, buy them a new toy, play with them with said toy, groom and pamper them, teach them a new trick… the list is endless.
You’ve got this.
If you’re looking for tools to prepare for the holidays with family, let’s talk. Send me a text or call today and let’s put your mental health first, together.
Visit my website to find out more about the type of therapy I do in Fort Collins and online in Colorado at www.axiscounseling.com
Adam-Jon Aparicio, LPC
970-239-1983
Axis Counseling, PLLC
WHERE WELLNESS MEETS ACTION
