As I walked through LAX for a quick weekend reunion with my best friends, the hustle and bustle of this international hub was different. From the two women wearing gloves disinfecting their lobby chairs to a man on his cellphone talking through a mask, my inner dialogue (mostly judgement) sounded more like a Taylor Swift lyric than concern, “Hey, are you okay?... You need to calm down.” Oh how naïve I was that eerie February 2020 afternoon.
We all know what happened next…
An unprecedented 9 months of two pandemics in which one left 346,000 dead due to a self-absorbed and incompetent administration and the other in which many of our white citizens “woke up” (finally) and joined BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color) to understand just how far the systemic hatred that Black and brown bodies was (and is) with the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd that would later ignite protests from Portland, Maine to the streets of Los Angeles and beyond. Needless to say, the last 9 months have challenged our concept of normalcy. And as many of us wait patiently for the day when compassion and order return to The People’s House when we can finally say President Biden and Madam Vice President Harris, the uncertainty of the pandemic is far from over.
In reflecting on the last year, I can’t help but think about the coming 9 months as our country gears up to move from a good old-fashion passive-aggressive “buh-bye” to Mr. Apprentice-in-Chief and the ever classy, Ms. Rona and from vaccinations to herd immunity. What is in store for us in 2021? Will it be a whole new world or merely the classic Parent Trap switch-a-roo?
On April 3rd 2020, as many of us were (un)settling into our new social distanced life, Lindsay Lohan ended her 12 year music hiatus with her aptly titled single, Back to Me. Not since Rumors graced the dance floor on my 22nd birthday or even that one song from Lindsay’s (no, we’re not Josie and the Pussycats) spunky band from the 2003 remake of Disney’s Freaky Friday, had I felt so ready for a Cady Haron music bop! For the first time in what felt like months, I had some level of certainty in my life. With the first line of lyrics, “I used to blame me when shit got crazy” I was hooked. For 2 minutes and 53 seconds at a time, I was able to sit on a solid foundation of pure ex-Disney Princess pop gold.
And now these Sundays got me feeling like Mondays (hey-yay)
As I continued to listen to the lyrics, written by Finnish singer-songwriter ALMA, I realized that the words spoke to how I was feeling in isolation. With all the chaos and worry I felt I knew I needed to ground myself. I essentially had to get (wait for it)… “Back to Me.”
Oh, but I know that everything changes
Hard things turn to basics
Now I'm comin' back, I'm comin' back to me
During those first weeks and month of social isolation, I was flattered that friends and family wanted to connect via Zoom happy hours, Netflix viewing parties, and impromptu FaceTime chats. However, with each virtual interaction something felt off. As if some guide to my pandemic saga, Ms. Lohan’s lyrics reminded me that going back to basics was exactly what I needed to do, for me.
In the field of psychology, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a motivational theory that states that in order to become our most fulfilled self, we have to first build a solid five-tiered foundation of needs. With both the medical and racism pandemics that were erupting in our country, I knew that I felt uncertain and unsafe. In order to really connect with others, I knew I had to focus on what Maslow calls Basic Needs: Physiological needs (tier 1) and Safety needs (tier 2). So, after I meal-prepped enough for the entire BTS Army and ensured that I could stay in my house without the need to leave in case things got worse, I was able to move to Psychological needs: Belongingness and Love needs (tier 3) and Esteem needs (tier 4). In these tiers I felt more open to and present during Zoom calls with friends and even made a new friend who later became my roommate. Additionally, I decided to get more into my physical health by exercising daily which made me feel more accomplished. And while we are not out of the woods yet with Ms. Rona’s greatest hits, I feel more prepared and ready to move into Maslow’s final category of needs, Self-fulfillment needs: Self-Actualization (tier 5) where I feel confident in my ability to achieve goals I’ve been slowly working toward like paying off debt and even writing this very blog entry!
Throughout my 9 month journey up Maslow’s colorful pyramid, I incorporated two more nuggets of Lindsay lyrical genius.
When life gets harder and the mind gets darker (hey-yay)
Remind myself, "Never too late" (yeah, yeah)
As many can attest to, doing absolutely anything during this pandemic from going to work (whether at home or not) to deciding what show to binge to even what sweat pants to wear for the day, our capacity to stay focused and well has been tested to the limit. In both my sessions with clients and lectures I give, I have reminded people that we are in an actual traumatic event that has no definitive end in sight. According to the CDC, in late June over 40% of U.S. adults reported struggling with mental health including clinical anxiety and depression or substance use and in September 2020 studies showed that depression was three times higher during lockdown.
As a therapist, I know the power that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can have on negative thought patterns and our ability to reshape these negative thoughts into positives, especially when under the care of a mental health clinician. Developing a mantra to help redirect our negative thoughts can often get easier over time and allows us to cope with the stress that depressive or negative thought patterns produce. And, one more time to drive this point home… When life gets harder and the mind gets darker, Remind myself, "Never too late"
I'ma do it right and let it go
Everything I can't control
And finally, as we continue to quarantine to keep our friends, family, and selves safe Lindsay’s words reign true… I'ma do it right and let it go, Everything I can't control. Throughout the last 9 months we’ve lost a lot. We’ve lost our ability to hug friends and family, trade juicy office gossip in-between meetings with our work-bestie, or marvel in serendipitous opportunities to meet our next partner on the dance floor or at our favorite coffee shop. We’ve lost so much, and we will continue this loss in the year ahead. However, in order to move through this grief, it is imperative that we recognize it, reflect, and let it go. As the dutiful Capricorn I am, I know that my desire for control has been tested and will continue to be tested. By embracing the fact that it is not under our control to get back the things we’ve lost, we are better able to unclog what’s holding us back and return to actions we can control in order to improve our overall well-being. We owe it to ourselves and those we love, to emerge from this global nightmare solid in self-love and acceptance… And because I can’t prescribe it any better, I’ll let Ms. Lohan have the final words…
If you have questions about how to get back to you and would like to discuss treatment options in therapy, let’s talk. Send me a text or call today and let’s put your mental health first, together.
Visit my website to find out more about the type of therapy I do online in Colorado and Washington State at www.axiscounseling.com
Adam-Jon Aparicio, LPC, LMHC
970-239-1983
adamjon@axiscounseling.com
Axis Counseling, PLLC
WHERE WELLNESS MEETS ACTION